


i've never seen a mouth that i would kill to kiss

by hellcats



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, No Angst, duh - Freeform, fluff (maybe), inspired by halsey's finally//beautiful strangers, minor kuroken, tsukki is oblivious to his own feelings, tsukki lives with kuroken, tsukkiyama - Freeform, yams had been in love since forever tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:48:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22462846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellcats/pseuds/hellcats
Summary: Maybe, it's the distance between them, Kei thinks. Maybe he had been too dependent on his best friend. Maybe, it's finally safe for him to fall.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 22
Kudos: 216





	1. and i'm terrified

**Author's Note:**

> MY FIRST FIC FOR THE HAIKYUU FANDOM AND IT'S TSUKKIYAMA! i planned just to write a one-shot but i don't have the time to finish it so here's the first part! i will update the second part before the end of march i promise!!

They were in Kei's living room, painting the dull white walls to a light yellow color that reminded Kei of summer. It wasn't like they were only the two of them there, Kei's obnoxious roommates - well, Kei's obnoxious roommate and said roommate's less annoying boyfriend - was also there, bickering while working on painting their corner of the room. But somehow, with the warm evening light pouring into the room, reflected by the yellow walls, it felt like the world was closing in on the two of them. Precisely, on one Yamaguchi Tadashi, who was looking far too ethereal for someone who was sweaty from the hard work of home decoration, and a fleck of yellow paint staining his right cheek, obscuring the little freckles that usually adorns him. 

A fleeting though passes through Tsukishima Kei's betraying mind. 

_Yamaguchi is so pretty, I can kiss him on the lips right now._

The small paint brush he used to outline the edges of the wall fell out of his hand, probably shocked of the things that he thought of at that moment, staining the floor with a blob of yellow. Tadashi immediately whips his head to his direction, brown eyes looking curiously at him. "You okay, there, Tsukki?" 

Tsukishima didn't have the time nor the braincell to reply, but he didn't have to as his roommate chastised him. 

"Oi, Tsukishima! You better clean that up before it dries. There's a can of thinner in that box,"

"Tch, I know, Kuroo," 

The tall blond rolled his eyes at being admonished by the older boy, and Tadashi only smiled at him apologetically. Well, it is partly Tadashi's fault that he now had to put up with Kuroo Tetsurou's annoying and insufferable ass, since he was the one who convinced Kei to room up with Kuroo and Kozume-san. 

When Kei announced his plans of moving to Tokyo for university, Tadashi had been nothing but supportive, although there was one part of Kei that had wished for Tadashi to convince him to stay in Miyagi instead. Nearing their high school graduation, the freckled boy had asked Hinata for Kozume's contact number so he could ask for him and Kuroo, who was going to the same university Kei was enrolling, to look after him. Tadashi had already been accepted to a university in Sendai, only forty minutes away from home by the metro.

"I'm not really a fan of big cities, and there is nothing for me there at Tokyo anyways," was what he told him when Kei asked why he chose to stay in the prefecture. Kei wonders, now that he is in Tokyo, if Tadashi changed his mind on nothing waiting for him here in the city. 

When Kuroo and Kozume started living together after Kozume's horrible experience of living in the dorms in his first year, Tadashi had suggested that Kei move in with them as well. At that time it sounded appealing to Kei. He already knew Kuroo and Kozume from volleyball, and while Kuroo is disagreeable most of the time, Kozume looked like a decent person to be roommates with, and their monthly rent would be split between three people, so there is much less expenses needed there. It also didn't help that Kei will always listen to Tadashi even if the boy tells him to take the next plane to the other side of the earth to get him floppy fries, but Kei would very much prefer to not talk about that. Looking back on his decision now, perhaps he should have just stuck with his plans of staying in the university dorms, probably pay a little more so he can get a one person room, rather than seeing Kuroo with paint on his lips attempting to kiss his ex-setter on the cheeks. 

As he cleaned the mess that he made, he stared at Tadashi, whose hair is long enough now that he puts it in a small ponytail, the lower strands of his shaggy hair tickling the base of his neck and matted down with sweat. It had been a while since he last saw Tadashi then, if his hair had gotten that long in the period of time that they didn't see each other. 

Adjusting to the changes in the city was quite hard for Kei at first, even with the help of Kuroo and Kozume who had taken him under their wings since the day Kei came to Tokyo, but the hardest part was not seeing his best friend all the time. 

It was a surprising revelation to Kei. 

In the months leading up to their graduation, there wasn't a single waking moment that he had spent without Tadashi by his side. Their houses were really near to each other, and between classes, club activities and cram schools, they were always attached together by the hip. They were already classmates in all of their three years in high school to begin with, they walk home together every day after practice, and they went to the same cram school that was one station away from their houses. It wasn't dependency, no matter how many speculations that he had heard from people around, how they were being too reliant on each other, it didn't feel like that. It was... hard to explain, but it wasn't like saying that they would keel over and die if they're not together. It's just that they prefer it that way. 

Tadashi had said that it was because Kei was leaving soon, so he wanted to be able say that they had their time with each other when they graduated, but Kei never found out his own reason. If that was the case for Tadashi, then Kei couldn't say he shared the same sentiment, because even after all those time together, he still wanted more. One more hour on the train together, one more minute walking back from the conbini, one more second looking at Tadashi's smile. 

Suddenly not being able to just walk down the street to knock on the door of the Yamaguchi household felt like a part of Kei was robbed away from him. The homesickness wasn't really the worst part, if Kei were to be honest. It was walking in to their apartment after a long day of classes and annoying classmates and seei Kuroo and Kozume, curled up against each other on the couch in the living room while watching a romcom that Kei knows Kozume doesn't really care about. The familiarity of the scene infront of him made something tug at his chest, and he whipped out his phone to text Tadashi an invitation to Tokyo for the weekend, to help them re-decorate their apartment. 

And that is how he is now in this situation, with an epiphany over how much he missed his best friend. His best friend who now looks a little different that he did a few months ago. His best friend who he likes to look at, because said best friend had a nice face, and it made Kei feel good to look at his face. 

When Tadashi had to leave the day after, Kei sulked for a whole three days, holing himself up in his room when he didn't have any classes. He paid no mind to Kuroo and Kozume's suspicious glances, and he absolutely didn't think of the reason to why he had to sulk. 

.

The realization didn't occur until a few weeks later, when Kei stumbled upon an American singer called Halsey, mesmerized by her voice, and started to listen to all of her songs from her whole discography. For days, Kei's room had heard him play _only_ Halsey songs, because this is what he does when he finds a new artist to listen to. He would spend hours discovering said artists' songs, be it from their debut to their latest release, and picks a selected few that he especially likes and carefully curates them in one of his abundant playlists. Of course, the lyrics are taken into great consideration as well so late nights at the Kuroo, Kozume and Tsukishima household would witness the blond megane-kun poring over his laptop, eyes scanning the lyrics of the songs he is listening to to get a better feeling of the song. 

In conclusion, Tsukishima Kei is a music nerd. A _closeted_ music nerd, because no one knows this side of him.

Except maybe Tadashi. 

The next song on Halsey's YouTube playlist played, a melodic guitar strumming that breaches Kei's thoughts about his best friend, but not enough to take his mind off of said best friend. 

_your eyes, so crystal green_

_sour apple baby, but you taste so sweet_

_you got hips like Jagger and two left feet_

_and I wonder if you'd like to meet_

A smile graced Kei's lips, his mind taken to his childhood friend back home, the lyrics somewhat reminding him of Tadashi. Tadashi had always been the most enthusiastic to get on the dance floor, but also the one with no sense of body coordination at all, so he was always amusing to watch. 

_your voice is velvet through a telephone_

_you can come to mine_

_but both my roommates are home_

_think I know a bar_

_where they would leave us alone_

_and I wonder if you'd take it slow_

As Kei eyed the lyrics shown on his laptop screen, he can't help but to think how accurately this song is describing his and Tadashi's situation right now. Fridays have now been Kei's most anticipated day of the week because Tadashi will always give him a phone call every Friday night. And sometimes on the rare weekends that Tadashi is off from his part-time work and Kei is free from club activities, Fridays also meant Tadashi coming to Tokyo to stay over at their apartment. Kei loved having Tadashi over, somehow it puts his heart at ease, having someone so familiar with him after a long time being away from familiarity, but he definitely does not appreciate his roommate's nosiness whenever Tadashi is involved. Kozume was not that bad, Kei can just shut the door right in front of his nose and he would take the hint, but the problem lied with Kozume's rooster head boyfriend, who just loves to stick his nose in other people's business - namely Kei's business. 

Kuroo likes Tadashi a lot, that he can tell, and honestly he is glad that Tadashi is getting along with his current friends, but Kuroo likes to say the dumbest, most ambiguous thing sometimes and Kei does not want Tadashi to get the wrong impression. 

So yes, Kei would really much appreciate it if Kozume and Kuroo would leave the two of them alone whenever Tadashi comes to visit. 

_oh, we're dancing in my living room_

_and up come my fists_

_and I say, "I'm only playing"_

_but the truth is this_

_that I've never seen a mouth_

_that I would kill to kiss_

_and I'm terrified, but I can't resist_

_and I say_

The smile slid off of Kei's face.

An unsual expression began to take its place when his mind suddenly flashed with images of Tadashi's lips. His thin, almost nonexistent lips. The way the ends of his lips quirks up when it is stretched into a smile, _the prettiest thing I have ever seen in a while,_ Kei's mind treacherously supplied. How soft it had appeared to Kei when he caught Tadashi chewing on them sometimes in nervousness during games, how much Kei had yearned to test whether or not Tadashi's lips would feel as soft as it looked like if Kei kisses him. 

His fingers reacted quicker than his brain, closing off the YouTube tab and shutting his laptop down before returning to the voices in his mind again. 

Why is he thinking of Tadashi that way?

No, it was more along the lines of, _how long had he been thinking about Tadashi that way?_

"Fuck,"

Kei breathed out, to no one in particular. 

Thinking back to his past activities, the way he feels when Tadashi is not around - sulky, slightly saltier than usual, the way he feels when Tadashi _is_ around, and his hands fall limp in his lap.

"I'm fucking in love," _with Tadashi._

The last part went unheard. 

It was safe to say that Kei stopped listening to Halsey altogether that week. 

.

Tsukishima Kei is in love with Yamaguchi Tadashi, his best friend. 

_Tsukishima is in love with his best friend._ Kuroo had realized this before Kei even realized it himself, and he would argue that he knew about it far longer than Kenma did. Kuroo would know. He was in the same predicament not too long ago, he thought as he observed his roommate discreetly from afar - discreet and afar being sneaking glances at Kei's general direction from the couch that he is currently holing himself up in. 

The little things that may not seem much to onlookers, like the pacing around the room justifying why he is having these feelings, the rolling around the bed in denial of the existence of such feelings, and the eventual screaming into the pillows in acceptance of said feelings, it's all too familiar to Kuroo. Kei's actions mirrored his own when he realized he was in love with _his own best friend._

He felt bad for the guy, he knows how it feels. He almost felt like helping him. 

"Kuro,"

A nudge by his side and Kenma's soft voice calling out his name pulls him away from his thoughts. 

"Yes, kitten?" 

The tips of the boy's ears flush a deep, pretty red, the nickname endearing to him but it was still something that he couldn't get used to, no matter how much Kuroo says it to him. Kuroo thought it was cute, the way Kenma turned away to hide the same blush adorning his cheeks from his black haired boyfriend. Kenma is too cute, he gets embarrassed by these things too easily and it made Kuroo want to tease him even more, but he decided to drop the teasing for now. 

"Were you like this when you realized you like me?"

And now it is turn for Kuroo to blush, the same flush of red creeping up his neck. Kuroo knows Kenma is not teasing him, it was just an innocent question asked in a blunt and straightforward manner, just the way he is, which is, weirdly endearing to him. 

"I think I was way worse. I used to run into walls and I remember tripping over my feet when you smiled at me,"

"You're so dumb," 

Kenma said, although his tone was far too soft for it to be considered an insult to Kuroo. He chanced a glance down at his pudding haired lover, and the small smile tugging at his boyfriend's lips makes his heart felt like soaring. The love and admiration he felt for Kenma made him wrap his arms around the smaller boy's waist and pulled him down so they were lying together, tangled in each other's arms in the cold October night, watching a rerun of a baseball game on TV.

All thoughts of helping Kei and his predicament was thrown out of the window to be dealt with later. 

Later came rolling about right before Tadashi's birthday, two days prior, to be exact. 

The tall blonde had invited Tadashi to spend the weekend, and inadvertently, his birthday, at Tokyo with him. And Tadashi had said yes. So one Friday afternoon found one very freaked out Tsukishima Kei sprawled upside down on the couch in his living room, frowning at the text message he received from his best friend. 

**tadacchi: just got off class**

**tadacchi: heading to the train station now (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)**

**tadacchi: see u in 3 hrs, tsukki!!**

After shooting a brief "be careful" to Tadashi, he flopped on the couch, the metaphoric butterflies in his stomach flapping their wings ferociously at the thought of seeing his best friend again and making him feel miserable. The last time Tadashi was here, he had a startling thought about his best friend, a revelation of how pretty said best friend is. This would be the first time he's meeting Tadashi after his epiphany of how much he wanted to kiss him on the lips, and press him close to his body and probably cuddle with him and never let the shorter boy go. To summarize, this would be the first time he is seeing Tadashi after acknowledging his not so platonic feelings for him. 

Kei was about to pick his phone up again and scroll Twitter to pass the time when his roommates walked through the door and saw him in a state that he usually wouldn't allow them to see him in. If this was any other time, he would have hastily sit upright and correct his position, refusing to appear anything less than composed when his roommates are around. But this is not one of those time. This is three hours away from meeting the possible love of his life again and Kei doesn't know what he would do when Tadashi is the one who would walk through that door, so naturally, he just ignores them. 

"Yamaguchi-kun coming over today?" 

Kenma asked, while dropping onto the couch next to the long-limbed boy. He just nodded a yes, still staring at the ceiling. Kuroo still hasn't said anything, so he is relieved for that. He really didn't need Kuroo's commentary on his miserable love life today. 

"How long have you been in love with him?" Kenma asks, plopping down next to Kei who had made some space for him to sit on the couch.

He was shocked, but his initial shock was eventually replaced by embarrassment, mostly at how obvious he was being if even Kenma can see through him. But then again, Kenma is very observant and the same could be said for Kuroo as well. He sat upright, glancing at Kuroo in a silent inquiry of _'did you knew as well?'_ and the shit eating grin he received is surely an affirmative answer. 

Shit. 

"I don't know. I just realized but, probably for a long time," Kei silently admits, and, wow, saying the words out loud to someone else really felt liberating, as much as it is embarrassing. 

"You should tell him," Kuroo says, and disappears from the living room to store away their grocery goods. He didn't say anything to that, not sure if he even has the words to. Once Kuroo returns back from the kitchen, Kei looks up at him and finally replies. "I can't,"

"Why?" the dark-haired man flops down onto the floor, turning his gaming console on and handing one controller to Kenma. Kei shrugs, "I don't know,"

_Why indeed?_

For starters, he doesn't even know how long he has had these feelings for his best friend, what made him fall in love with said best friend. If someone were to ask why did he fell for the freckled boy, he can think of a thousand answers, a thousand different variations on how amazing Yamaguchi Tadashi is, but if they were to have him pick the one thing that set his feelings for Tadashi different from how he feel towards his other friends, he wouldn't have an answer. 

Perhaps it is in Tadashi's smile, the one that Kei can always rely on, the one he can fall back to whenever things gets too hard or overwhelming. Perhaps it is in the kind, encouraging way that Tadashi speaks to him, at times where Kei thinks everything is too much and that he is not an idiot that chases after abstract things like self-satisfaction and pride. Or maybe it is in the bold words Tadashi would sometimes yell at him, when he is sick of Kei's self-sabotage, to ingrain in the blonde's mind that sometimes it is worth it, _being an idiot is worth it_ if it means standing your own ground and learning to not be too big of a damn coward, to give in to your pride sometimes. 

Or perhaps it is just in the fact that no matter where he is, Tadashi will always be there by his side, even though physically he would be miles away, but Kei knows that whatever changes, some things don't change. Tadashi won't change, Kei is sure of that. That whatever happens, he will still have Tadashi. 

And what an assuring thought that is. 

Kei stares at the pair of lovers playing Mario Kart in front of him, Kenma now on the floor as well and slinked up next to him. _They're lucky,_ he thinks. Lucky that they found love in each other, that when Kuroo confessed to Kenma how he feels about him in his last year of high school, Kenma had only kissed him right on the lips, returning Kuroo's feelings. 

Kei can almost imagine it happening between him and Tadashi, can almost see a future where Tadashi is his and he is holding the smaller boy in his arms, kissing his freckles, whispering sweet nothings and promises into his skin, showing him how there is so many things to love about himself, and maybe hug him to sleep, and wake up laying next to each other. He can almost see it, Tadashi shirtless, his freckles out for display in all its glory, the morning sunlight trickling in dancing on his beautiful tanned skin, his sleep-laden smile, his kind, soft expression directed towards Kei and only Kei. 

He shakes his head, ridding himself of the possibility of Tadashi returning his feelings even happening. Sure, they have been friends for a really long time now that something might have changed in the dynamics of their friendship, and Kei himself can also feel the changes upon their relationship, but he is not sure if it is the kind of change he wanted to happen, or if it is just something he imagined and is blowing them out of proportions. He doesn't want to get his hopes up for nothing, much preferring to stay the way they are right now, for as long as his feelings would let him. 

But if he is as obvious with his feelings as he is right now, Kei thinks it won't be for too long. 

He glances at the clock on their freshly painted yellow wall, _two hours and 40 minutes before Tadashi arrives._


	2. but i can't resist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i... have nothing to say to justify my behaviour skshdhushfd sorry for updating after a WHOLE MONTH AND SOME but,, here goes!! idk if this is out of character or not i was kind of powering through this chapter so pls tell me of any issues u have with this fic!

Two hours and 40 minutes passes by quicker than Kei thinks.

Especially so when all he is doing in the period of time Kuroo and Kenma's departure and Tadashi's arrival was cleaning. He took out the trash, made sure the sink was empty, he even wiped their coffee table and kitchen counter. Before he knew it, there was a knock at the door, and Kei is positive that it is Tadashi. He took his time walking towards the door, mentally preparing himself and trying to calm his breathing before opening the door, revealing the man behind it.

No amount of cleaning could help ease Kei's nerves when he sees Tadashi's smiling face again for the first time since he realizes how much he is in love with him.

"Tsukki! It's been a while,"

Tadashi greeted him with a cheeky lilt, and suddenly, Kei found himself speechless. He moved a bit to the side, allowing Tadashi to step inside the apartment. "Uh, put your- your bags-"

_Fuck._

He can't even speak properly in the presence of his childhood friend, let alone talk to him about his feelings. _Sorry, Kenma-san. I can't follow your advice, it seems._ His throat felt dry, and he could feel his fingertips growing cold by the minute. This is not good, he has to will himself to calm down enough so he can treat Tadashi normally, he is not going to ruin Tadashi's 21st birthday acting like a prick because he couldn't be honest with his feelings. And he hoped that Tadashi hadn't caught on to his distress. 

"You okay, Tsukki?" 

_Fuckity fuck._

Of course he would notice, who is Kei trying to kid? 

This is Yamaguchi Tadashi, who probably knows Kei better than he knows himself. The only person who can tell the difference from his usual frown to an actual upset frown, the guy that his Karasuno juniors depended on whenever Kei gets into one of his moods and terrorizes everyone in the team, the one man that is bold enough to smack the back of his head to snap some sense into him if he gets too aggravated during matches. 

Yes, Kei does get aggravated in matches especially against cocky players that they meet when they go to Nationals. And Tadashi had always been patient at handling him during those times, so much so that Coach Ukai had left the task of calming Kei down to him. He never got mad at Kei even when he made one too many mistakes and became too far up his own ass to the point of being disagreeable, because Tadashi, the great man that he is, had said then, “This just proves that you care about the game, right, Tsukki?” And that one line is enough to ground him back to the match, and he would play the best that he could, and try his best to not get himself riled up, because what is he, an amateur? 

But apparently, that amazing quality of Tadashi proves to be troublesome at times like these when he needs to hide his feelings from the one person able to read him like a book. 

“Yeah, I just-” _Quick, make up a lie._ “Had too much coffee or something,” 

Tadashi frowns, he bought it, and it made Kei feel bad for lying to his best friend. “You know you get jittery when you drink coffee, Tsukki. Just stick to your usual strawberry tea, you’re no good with adult drinks,” Tadashi jabs at him. 

“Shut up, Yamaguchi,”

“Hehe, sorry, Tsukki,” 

And Kei feels a little better, with the easy banter between them. Maybe he can do this after all, pretending like he is not in love with his best friend. Kei just hopes that he didn’t speak too soon. 

.

As time passes by, the blond man realizes that he, indeed, had spoken too soon. 

He is _fucking_ doomed. 

Tadashi was literally doing nothing, the two of them lounging on the green couch, lazily flicking through the movie selections on Netflix, and Kei would catch himself staring at the freckled boy too long and too many times, and it is flustering him. The way he couldn’t keep his eyes off of Tadashi, and if he even did, not for too long. The way his gaze would linger a bit longer when it reaches the other boy’s lips, the skin of the bottom lips always a little red with the way Tadashi would chew on them out of habit. 

Kei’s eyes moved to Tadashi’s own warm, brown eyes. It’s intriguing, and it always draws Kei in, the way his eyes are expressive and mirrors the emotions in his best friend. Kei remembers a time in their childhood when his brown eyes were big and curious, always wondrous and marvelling at everything Kei had said. It made him happy, when Tadashi would look at him like he hung the stars of Tadashi’s sky, and it fills him with warmth, longing for the smaller man to have the same look in his eyes when talking to him, the way he used to. 

He also remembers how the same kind, brown eyes were filled with grit, burning with the vigorous desire to be better, to play at the same level as the other monsters in their team, the need to prove himself. It was a sight to behold, Kei had never seen a more determined eye than the time Tadashi was leading the team as captain in their third year. Even years later Kei believes that one of the reasons they made their way to the top three high school volleyball teams in their nation was because of Tadashi and his unwavering faith in his teammates. And he knows for a fact that he isn’t the only one who thinks so. 

Kei stares harder, at the redness in Tadashi’s eyes and the dark circles rimming around them. He didn’t even realize how close he had moved to the object of his affection now, practically leaning into Tadashi’s space and paying no mind to any personal space. Kei absent-mindedly lifts his fingers so he can trace the tired lines, gently dragging his thumb along the smooth skin and cupping Tadashi’s face. _Tadashi had always worked himself up too hard, always so strenuous on himself,_ Kei thinks, with a frown on his lips. 

“Tsukki,” 

He only realized what he was doing two seconds after Tadashi’s voice brought him back to the present. Immediately pulling his treacherous hands away, he scooted a little so he is not pressed too close by Tadashi’s side, feeling the heat creeping up his neck and the blush colouring his cheeks. 

Had he not turned his face away to hide how red his face is, he probably wouldn’t have missed Tadashi’s affectionate, smitten smile. 

He was too embarrassed and he is 100 percent sure his neck is as red as he thought it would be. Kei pulls himself up from the couch, Tadashi’s eyes following his movements.

“Um, I need to go- toilet,”

“Yeah, okay. You want me to pause the show?” 

If Kei were to be honest, he doesn’t give a flying fuck about whatever show is playing on TV right now, but admitting that would just out him and his feelings. 

“Sure,” was his curt reply, before stumbling away from the living area and disappearing into the bathroom. 

_Holy shit I fucked that one up so fucking bad, how does one fuck things up that badly??_

The feelings bubbling up from his heart to his throat are suffocating, and he felt like screaming because of how intense his feelings for his best friend are, but he couldn’t. Tadashi is outside and Kei is acting really weird, hiding in the bathroom both from his best friend and his feelings for him, and he knows Tadashi knows something is wrong but, really, what could Kei possibly do when the guy he is in love with is sitting so close next to him? Pretend that he is _not_ in love with him? 

Even thinking of Tadashi sitting outside on the couch overwhelms him so much, he feels like he can burst into tears if he thinks about it too long. The tall boy had never felt like this before, never even thought he was capable of such strong and powerful emotions. If you told high schooler Tsukishima Kei that he would be hiding in the bathroom and cry in front of his sink because of his feelings for his best friend, he would have laughed at your face, completely dismissing the idea of him falling in love, let alone crying because of said love. 

In fact, Kei remembers the time he had told Tadashi to not let his emotions overwhelm him when the boy developed an embarrassing crush on Yachi-san in their first year. 

Oh, how the tables are turned. 

He groans softly, careful not to make too much of a noise to alert the object of his affection currently sitting alone in the living room. Why is everything so fucking intense? It’s not like Tadashi is anyone else, he is Kei’s best friend.

Kei stares into his own reflection in the mirror, studying every inch of his feature to distract himself from his thoughts. 

_It’s because it is Tadashi, his own best friend and not anyone else, that’s why everything is intense._

When Kei finally gathered enough courage to step out of his hideout, Tadashi was scrolling on his phone, and he felt like going back to the toilet again. Of course he didn't, that would have made things even weirder, and he can't send Tadashi away now even if he was the reason for him acting weird. The raven haired boy looked up and flashes a soft, worried smile to his best friend.

Kei can feel the way his heart is pounding erratically, in a way that he is sure a human heart should not.

“Ah, Tsukki. Is everything okay? You were taking quite some time,” 

“Hm, yeah, I’m alright. What are you doing?” Kei asks as he sits down next to Tadashi. He is quite proud of the way his voice doesn’t waver, the cool tone of his voice does a good job hiding the overwhelming feelings in his chest. "Nothing, just looking at my phone," 

"Hm," 

Kei reaches out for the remote control to resume the show that he have zero interest in, when Tadashi broke the silence. 

"Have you ever met someone with green eyes, Tsukki?" 

"Huh?" That was a bit too out of the blue. Kei nods anyway, thinking back to the Fukurodani setter that he met at the Tokyo training camp in his first year, as well the freakishly tall first year from Nekoma. "Yeah, Akaashi-san. And I think Lev's eyes were green too, but I never really looked at it. Why are-"

"But it's not crystal green, right? They're more to... a darker shade, like moss green?"

"I don't know. Like I said, I never really looked. What are you asking, all of a sudden?" 

It was silent for a while, Tadashi seemingly deep in thought, before he quipped, "Do you wanna dance?"

"Huh?"

"Dance? Come on, Tsukki, it'll be fun. There's this song I want you to listen to," 

Tadashi didn't leave any room for him to reply, the boy just got up on his feet, yanked Kei away from the couch and started to push the obstacles away from the living area, making a space wide enough in the middle of the room. Enough room for them to dance. 

"Yamaguchi, what are you doing?"

Tadashi looked back at him with a mischievous glint in his eyes a small pout on his lips, and Kei already knew that he would give in, hating the way his gut twists at just the mere sigh of Tadashi's adorable expression. He had always been really weak when it comes to him, and he hates that too. 

“Tch, okay. I’m only doing this because you got me that amazing telescope for my birthday,” 

“Hehe, you’re welcome for that, Tsukki!” 

For Kei’s birthday, Tadashi had surprised him with an expensive Orion telescope, showing up at the door of his apartment with a huge box about half his own height. Kei had fussed about, telling Tadashi that he should have just posted his birthday gift instead of hauling the big ass box with him on the shinkansen, and the younger boy had only sputter around, muttering that he wanted to see Kei’s reaction when he opened the box.

_“Remember how you used to love stargazing so much?”_

_“Yeah, when I was 15, Yamaguchi,”_

_“And you loved it, didn’t you? I’ve always thought it’s a shame that your parents won’t buy you a telescope, you were so into it!”_

_“Shut up, Yamaguchi,”_

_“Hehe, sorry, Tsukki. But you can look at so many more constellations with this, and you can tell me your favourite ones, as well, like the old times,” Tadashi flashes him a toothy smile, and Kei is confident a blush was creeping its way up his neck and his cheeks._

_Honestly, Kei didn’t even remember his own childish interest in astronomy, neither does he think he can even use the telescope while living in a city that lights up like a beacon at night, but he accepted the gift and the thoughtfulness behind it._

_“Maybe we can take a trip to *Nagano one of these days. I heard it’s a good place to see stars,”_

_Not that either of them have much time, with school workload and looking for jobs, and Kei would have to go through the hassle of renting a car and rearranging his schedules to fit in a trip, but the bright smile on Tadashi’s face was worth all the work, he thinks._

_“Hm, that sounds nice! I’m happy you like the gift, Tsukki!”_

Kei watches as Tadashi pushes away the coffee table closer to the wall and pulls out his phone to look for a song, his bluetooth already connected to Kenma's speaker. He really does not know where Tadashi is going with this, all he knew is that he should be careful to not let anything slip again. 

The first few notes of the song started playing, and when Kei listened to the familiar melodious guitar strumming, he had a little meltdown in his mind. 

_Of course he had to put on that damn song._

This is just the way that it is, the universe pulling a cruel joke on him. This is karma, payback for every time Kei had opened his lousy mouth to make snarky remarks to his brother or Kuroo. Or it could be for the times that he had teased Hinata over his height so much when they were in high school. Or maybe because of his own personality in general, it's not like Kei doesn't know he is very good at aggravating people he doesn't even know or care about. Suddenly he regretted ever having such a personality in the first place. He was still bemusing the unfortunate mess that is his life when Tadashi turned around and looked directly into Kei's eyes, hands reaching out as an invitation to dance together. Looking into the sleepy pair of eyes infront of him, the taller boy let himself be dragged along, having no fight left in him to even consider saying no to him. 

_your eyes, so crystal green_

_sour apple baby, but you taste so sweet_

Halsey's sweet, raspy voice started singing the lyrics, and Kei wanted to burn this image infront of him to his brain, so that whenever he listens to this song he could remember how it felt like, dancing with the person that he loves, like this.

_you got hips like Jagger and two left feet_

_and I wonder if you'd like to meet_

"Is this why you asked me if I knew anyone with green eyes?" 

Tadashi chuckles, slowly closing in the distance between them and pulling Kei closer to him. Their bodies are still a good few feet away from each other, and they're only holding hands, long limbs awkwardly attached to each other as they swayed their bodies to the music.

"Yeah. The way she was describing it... I wanted to know if it's as pretty as- Ah, haha, nothing,"

Kei raises an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. He couldn't trust his voice to say anything when Tadashi is this close to him. 

"You know, Tsukki, this song kind of reminded me of you. Minus the green eyes, of course,"

_Huh?_

"What do you-" His voice stuck in his throat, the muscles suddenly tensing, finally getting the implications behind Tadashi's words.

This song is a love song. And Tadashi thought of Kei when he listened to the song. Hope is blooming in his chest right now, pure, treacherous hope, triggered by what sounded like a somewhat confession from Tadashi. 

_No. It can't be_

The boy infront of him just smiles, as if he knows something Kei doesn't, and it aggravated him. Kei didn't like it. He doesn't like not knowing what kind of situation he is, even more so if other people already knows but refuses to tell him. It unsettles him.

_oh, we're dancing in my living room_

_and up come my fists_

_and I say, "I'm only playing"_

_but the truth is this_

Kei didn't have too long to feel unsettled, though.

Tadashi started humming softly to the song, drawing Kei's eyes to his lips. It's not like the boy had refined lips or anything. In fact, it was kind of thin for a boy's lips, but Kei couldn't pull his gaze away. He was lucky Tadashi's eyes were closed, unaware of Kei's obtrusive and longing gaze. He was content staying like this for the whole song, with the messy-haired boy humming to the song and Kei taking the opportunity to stare at his face for as long as he wanted, when Tadashi started singing.

_that I've never seen a mouth_

_that I would kill to kiss_

_and I'm terrified, but I can't resist_

Ah.

Kei had forgotten how beautiful Tadashi's voice is. 

He doesn't sing often, too shy and doubtful of himself for it. But there had been occasions where Tadashi would let his guard down when he is around Kei, and would sing to his heart content. Sure, some of those times it was just him being silly, trying to evoke a reaction out of Kei if he felt like Kei is being a little bit to disagreeable that day. But there are also times when it was just the two of them in the confines of Kei's bedroom, the house empty except for the two of them, Tadashi lying face-up on the floor with his ears plugged in, listening to the music from Kei's MP3 while Kei plays a game on his phone.

And suddenly he would break the silence and sing. 

It's short, he would sing just a verse or two of them, his voice often too soft for Kei to even catch it if he doesn't pause his game to listen to Tadashi singing. 

Tadashi likes slow songs, songs about falling in love, teenage romance, like Taylor Swift or Katy Perry. Kei remembers the time Tadashi sang Teenage Dream as a joke at the surprise graduation party their juniors had prepared for them in their third year. It was the first time anyone aside from Kei had heard him sing, and even though he wasn't really happy about it, seeing Tadashi having so much fun singing and getting praise for it, his cheeks blushing a pretty pink shade, he remembers feeling weirdly light, as if his heart was soaring at the sight of Tadashi's boyish smile. 

Maybe it was. 

_and I say_

_beautiful stranger_

_here you are in my arms and I know_

_t_ _h_ _at beautiful strangers_

_o_ _nly come along to do me wrong_

The smaller boy stretches Kei's long arm and twirls himself in the middle of the living room, laughing at Kei's blank expression, that does a pretty good job at hiding how Kei actually feels inside.

_and I hope, beautiful stranger_

_here you are in my arms_

_but I think it's finally_

_finally, finally, finally, finally safe_

_for me to fall_

Tadashi threw himself away from Kei again and almost lost his balance, his hands slipping away from Kei's.

_Ah, what a cliche._

Was what Kei thought to himself as he caught Tadashi's waist before he tumbled down on the ground. It was as if time was frozen for a while, but of course that was not the case. It was just Kei looking into Tadashi's eyes for a few seconds too long while being a few feet too close to him. When he was sure Tadashi got his footing again, he lets him go in a haste, his heart protesting the removal of Tadashi's body from his own .

Kei is flustered, and he wanted to pull back and stop the goddamn song already, when Tadashi held onto him, his smaller hands clutching onto the hem of Kei's beige sweater, pulling him closer and keeping him in place.

Kei's mind is going miles per minute, he really does not know where they are going at this rate, and he definitely does not like the feeling of desperate hopefulness that is slowly clogging his chest. He doesn't want to consider the possibility of being able to hold Tadashi in his arms the way he just did, or the thought of calling this boy his, only to be let down as soon as the song is over. He does not want to be too caught up in the moment and only make a fool of himself. 

But funnily enough, Kei also couldn't deny Tadashi of anything. That had never been his strong suit. 

So he stayed close to him, his arms just hanging there by his side as Tadashi inspects his face. 

"You're staring, Yamaguchi," 

His usually cool tone is wavering, and Kei was looking everywhere but back at Tadashi, too embarrassed out of his minds to even get a grasp of what is going on. 

" _You_ were staring too, right, Tsukki?" 

Kei finally turned his head to meet Tadashi's eyes with his own incredulous look, struggling to come up with a retort. Tadashi just laughs, a light and airy sound, and somehow the anxiousness building in Kei's chest dissipates a little. 

Kei wanted to snort. 

This is the power of Yamaguchi Tadashi. The ability to make Kei's mouth dry with want, his heartbeat increasing rapidly and his breath caught in his throat, making him feel like drowning, but also at the same time, to be the one who frees Kei from the suffocating. 

He couldn't believe that he had let someone have so much power over him. 

_i grab your hand and then we run to the car_

_singing in the street and playing air guitar_

_stuck between my teeth just like a candy bar_

_and I wonder if it goes too far to say_

_i've never recognized a purer face_

_you stopped me in my tracks_

_and put me right in my place_

Kei never got to this part of the song when he first heard of it. He was busy panicking about his newfound feelings that he immediately stopped listening to it and actively avoided the artist for the whole time. But listening to it right now, he thinks Tadashi is wrong. 

Because how could such wonderful lyrics made Tadashi think about him? It just doesn't make sense. The lyrics to the song magnificently describes how Kei feels about Tadashi. Not just in a romantic sense, but in the way that the artist emphasized how important her lover is to her, how it seemed like she could never get over her lover, how this beautiful stranger had been her 'one and only'. In Kei's perspective, this is a song about Tadashi. 

Because Tadashi is just the kind of guy you would write love songs about. 

The smaller boy's hands moved again, this time in search of Kei's. He intertwines their hands together between them, and Kei almost lost his footing. _Could this_ _possibly be what Kei thinks it is?_

_used to think that loving_

_meant a painful chase_

"Tsukki,"

_but you're righ_ _t here now_

_and I think you'll stay_

Tadashi squeezes the bigger hands between his, and slowly pulls it towards his waist, urging Kei to place his arms there.

"...Yeah,"

"I need to tell you something,"

Kei does not know why they were whispering. There was only him and Tadashi in the apartment, and only moments ago Tadashi had been so bold, the sudden change in his hushed tone making Kei feel a little lightheaded. 

There is no way Kei could stamp down the bubbling feeling of hope inside of him, with the way Tadashi is looking at him with a determined, sincere look. 

Maybe, just maybe this time, Kei would dare to hope for more.

"Okay,"

Tadashi trains his eyes on Kei, his voice spilling out into the music, as he sang again. This time, while directly looking at Kei.

_oh, we're dancing in my living room_

_and up come my fists_

_and I say, "I'm only playing"_

_but the truth is this_

Kei watches as Tadashi takes a deep breath.

_i've never seen a mouth_

_that I would kill to kiss_

_and I'm terrified, but the truth is this_

_i say_

They both had no idea how they got this close, bodies pressed dangerously close to each other,Tadashi's arm strongly locking him in place from where its placed on Kei's waist, and Kei's own hands grasping at the fabric of Tadashi's t-shirt. Kei can feel the boy's breath on his lips, and they are close, so close to kissing, but Tadashi is still singing and he doesn't want to interrupt him. 

Although it is pretty clear to Kei now that his feelings were never one-sided, if his interpretation of the situation is accurate. 

Tadashi looks up again, as if making sure that Kei is listening to all of this, the borrowed words that aren't his but encapsulates what he wants to say anyways. 

_beautiful stranger_

_here you are in my arms and I know_

Kei revels in the way Tadashi's arms tighten around his body.

_that beautiful strangers_

_only come along to do me wrong and I hope_

The taller boy leans down, his breath steady as he waits for the lips of the man before him.

_beautiful stranger, here you are in my arms_

_and I think it's finally_

_finally, finally, finally, finally safe_

_for me to fall_

When the last syllable left Tadashi's lips, Kei didn't waste any time and closes the gap between them, capturing the boy's chapped lips in his own. Everything was numb to Kei for a while. It was as if he had lost the sense of being, and is now living in that particular kiss, the sound of his own heart soaring, as if trying to jump out of the cage that is Kei's chest, is the only thing grounding him. 

It didn't felt real. Kissing Tadashi, it hadn't felt real. If it wasn't for the warmth radiating from the smaller body he is holding, he wouldn't have thought that this is not a part of his imagination, too far deep in love that his own mind is creating illusions for him.

It was soft, delicate, just like every other part of Tadashi. 

It lasted long enough for it to leave a lingering touch, for Kei to remember this long after Tadashi returns home to Miyagi, probably. They both pull away, foreheads still touching, eyes still locked on each other in anticipation of what would happen next. 

"I thought you wanted to say something,"

A small shy smile creeps up Tadashi's face. "I thought I already said it,"

Now it was Kei's turn to smile. 

"I love you, Yamaguchi," 

"I know," Tadashi bites his lips, and Kei is having a really hard time holding himself back from kissing those lips again, knowing that he has all the rights to do so now. "And I love you, Tsukki," 

"Am I going to know why?" 

Tadashi laughs. Oh, if only Kei knows the depth of Tadashi's feelings for him. The way he had always made Tadashi feel secure and safe. The way he never have to worry about Kei breaking his heart because he knows he can rely on him, he knows he can trust his feelings and life on Kei. 

_I trust you. I trust you with my life, and there never had been a moment of doubt if it's you._

"Hm... Maybe not today," 

He says, in a cheeky tone, and leaves a quick peck on Kei's lips before hiding his face in the nook of Kei's neck, softly kissing the skin exposed there. "Tsukki..." Tadashi whispered softly, into Kei's skin. "Hm?"

"Maybe we should put the furniture back before Kuroo and Kenma-san comes back," 

_Ugh._

"Kuroo would be really annoying about this, wouldn't he,"

Tadashi offers him an apologetic smile, and Kei leans down again to steal another kiss. 

_Whatever. Kuroo can be annoying all he wants._

.

Tadashi was sound asleep, curled up on Kei's chest, when Kuroo and Kenma came back.

The sound of the door unlocking and swung open interrupted Kei's words, and whatever bubbly feeling Kei had just seconds ago had shriveled up and completely evaporated from his body, when he heard the obnoxious voice of his bastard of a roommate. 

"Oh my, what is this? Who would have thought this would happen?" 

"Shut up, Kuroo-"

"Don't be nosy. Go put your clothes in the washer, you big idiot," 

Kuroo looked like he wanted to protest, but held his tongue and stomped his feet on his way to the laundry room. Kei's face twist in disgust at the older boy's childish antics, and turned to look at Kenma incredulously. "What happened to him?" 

"He fell into a gutter on our way home, and a dog peed on him when he was trying to get up," 

The long-haired boy didn't even try to hide his amusement at his boyfriend's suffering. He took one look at Tadashi, who is stirring in his sleep and snuggling even closer to his human body pillow, before giving Kei a knowing look.

"So, you two?"

Kei smiles instead of saying anything, the tender gazein Tadashi's direction, who now had settled to doze off on Kei's lap enough of an answer for Kenma. "Congratulations," he said over his shoulder as he walks towards his bedroom. 

_Yeah, we're together. Yes, we're dating. Yep, I love him._

_._

_yeah, I think it's finally_

_finally, finally, finally._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Nagano is a hotspot for stargazing in Japan
> 
> thank you for reading this fic, and spread the tkym love! 
> 
> mayhaps come follow me on twitter? im @oikaews on twt :3


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